life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
