your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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