whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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