My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
