captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
