I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
