i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
