I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
