Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it glows. i had to have it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
