Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
