I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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