Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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