there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
