Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
