dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
