just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
