We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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