Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
