If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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