Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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