We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
