it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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