I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
