She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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