i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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