the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
