Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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