So gin and wine won't be happening again
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Congratulations! We have a period
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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