Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
