at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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