True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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