I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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