It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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