why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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