I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
