question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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