i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i love accidental penises.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
