Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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