i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
