Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
