Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
