Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
