She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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