life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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