no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
