I got chris browned last night
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
