I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
