May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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