He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
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