better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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