Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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