I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
