thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
