i don't like sucking hair
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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