apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
