I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
