hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
