You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
