it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The uberlube is also flammable
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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