Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
