Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
