do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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