he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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