You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
