my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
