just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
