I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
