I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
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