i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
