last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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