We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
