i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
