the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
