I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
the raccoons are back...
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