White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
