what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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