Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
