i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
