Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
