No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
