if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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