the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What drink are we having for lunch?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
