she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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