Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
