I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
