We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
