We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
