You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i permit you to call me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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