Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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