Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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