I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize