So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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