Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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