thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
