O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
