To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
