I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
