Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
