just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
