I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
