I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
