were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
