i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
