Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
