I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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