Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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