I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
