Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
