Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
