If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
