He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just saw a hot homeless man
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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