You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
