The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
