Where is the hickey?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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